Yes… yes… this is the week when I become known as “miss drama”. (Totally just made that up. No one actually calls me that). But I certainly feel like it should be my new nickname. So anyway… it’s the week before finals week, which in my opinion is worse than actual finals week. This is the week when every professor who breathes decides to make a research paper, or huge project, or 3 homework assignments due. All on the same day. Of course. Welcome to college. It’s not supposed to be easy.
No, nothing worth having is ever easy. I know that. I’ve lived that. But today when my dad asked why my bedroom light was still on when he left for work, I couldn’t help but to ask myself why I do this. He told me, “Taylor, I don’t want you to work as hard as I do”… which made me tear up at the time. I’m tearing up now. I do that often.
You see, life is short. The truth is, our days are numbered. Our breaths are limited. I can’t help but to ask myself why I allow myself to spend even one day totally stressed out, or upset, or on the verge of tears, or wishing with all of my being that I could go somewhere far away for awhile… It’s unacceptable. I’m 20 years old. For crying out loud, I have my whole life to work my booty off. Am I not supposed to be, like, going out every weekend and getting trashed?
No, really, I had to laugh when someone in one of my classes asked why he never sees me out. Well… uhh… probably because I fill my free moments with sleep? But in all honesty, that’s not me. It never was and probably never will be. The thing is… my work isn’t “work”. When I think about work, I think about school. When I think about fun, I think about my “job”. For those of you wondering, school wasn’t my plan. Why should it be? I’m doing what I love. Well, it became my plan… because my parents really want it for me. So much. And since I value my parents’ opinion and love them so much, I want it for me. But I could do without this stress and with a little more sleep. Hmm. That’s life, though. We’re all going through our own storms… Some of us are just entering, some are in the middle, and some are leaving, but it’s up to us to decide if we want to sit and watch the rain fall. So for me, right now, instead of thinking about giving up, I’m remembering why I started… why I’m here. Perspective truly does change everything.
I’ll take the sleepless nights. I’ll get through the endless assignments and I’ll write the 16 pages. I’ll get up in the wee hours to get ready for class. And you better believe that I’ll get that ‘A’. I’ll do anything…
As long as I’m doing what I love, my heart is happy.